Habits

As I'm working on making changes in my 'grumpiness' I've realized sometimes my reactions are....... habit.

WHAT???

Yep!  Habit!

Wow, that was NOT a good realization.

This morning, with the decision to be more intentional in overcoming my 'angry spirit', I prayed that today I'd NOT speak in an unkind/irritable tone; that I'd not 'yell'; that my words and tone would be encouraging, edifying.

After Bible study and prayer time with Techno I came out to get more coffee. The kids were waking and stumbling out of their rooms.  Nothing had really happened to trigger my grouchiness, however......

My.... Tone..... Exuded.... Irritation!

I stopped.  I thought.

Wow - my tone with the kids in the morning has......

BECOME......  A........ HABIT!

NOT GOOD!!!  NOT GOOD!!!

I'm not saying I was angry or yelling at them, just that my tone was not the most loving or joy-filled.

I'm not proud of the fact I had to come to this discovery, but I am grateful God put it on my heart.

Since I was aware of my 'tone', I was able to make a decision.

I STOPPED!

I smiled.

I softened my voice.

I un-furrowed my brow.

These actions helped me un-grump-i-fy my tone and my words.

I have to admit that this process repeated itself a couple times this same morning.  But I am also thrilled to say I continued to alter my demeanor, my tone, my facial expressions.

Victories - even small ones - were priceless.

As the day progressed, I recognized I was able to give the children directives without as much scowling.  Without as much assumption on my part that they'd not follow through (which triggers grumbles).  With more grace.

This is just ONE day, but it's a day of improvements.  A day of successes.  A day of understanding more of my anger and how to overcome my 'habits'.

A GREAT DAY!!!

The reason for my desire to overcome this grumbly-ness that plagues me!
I want to see these smiles looking back at me, not fear or worry when 'mamma blows'!

Stress and worry

Most of us know this, but may need a reminder....

Stress and worry have a very real impact on us.  

Emotionally, mentally, even physically.

Yesterday, Techno and I spent the day in Fort Collins.  Unfortunately NOT for fun.

He had a doctor's appointment as a follow up to his high blood pressure; as well as an eye appointment for the second half of the laser surgery following the eye bleed he had last month.  

I didn't feel overly stressed or worried at the time for either of these appointments.  Techno's blood pressure had been doing well; his eye had demonstrated great improvement.

Easy peasy, right?

Underlying stress and worry were there, whether I admitted/realized it or not.

Then... I. Had. To. Drive. Home!  After all, when one has a needle injected into one's eye - it's not a great idea to drive.  :-)

You may recall I very much dislike driving at night.  As I've aged, the lights from other cars, road lights etc. wreak havoc with my vision and my mind.

Hence I was a bit tense for the hour plus drive home.

More stress was building under the surface.

We gathered the girls and dog from Aunt Biff's house, picked up the big kids from their hunter's safety class, and began our drive back to Centennial.

Once home, I assumed I'd just relax.

The normal mundaneness of getting kids tucked in, stuff put away from a long day away from home, the release of tension from driving and the day of appointments - add it all up?

I WAS WIPED!!!  To say I was ready for bed that night was an understatement.

Today, as the stress of yesterday (that I hadn't fully acknowledged) boiled to the surface, the toll it took upon me became apparent.

I've tried to follow my own advice from yesterday's post and C-O-N-T-O-L my own anger, my own attitude, my own grumpiness.  However, it's. been. a. difficult. task.

The same things that always tripped me up didn't cease just b/c my body was recoiling from the recent onslaught of stress.  Plus my defenses against such triggers appeared to be even weaker.

The kids still bickered, the chores still needed to be completed, I was still tired, the little messes still got under my skin.

What was I going to doing about it?  When I finished typing this post?

TAKE A NAP!!

I decided to spare my family grief; I planned to 'recycle' myself.

I've posted about this before.

It really does work.

If you KNOW you are tired.  If you KNOW you are coming down from an adrenalin rush (often caused by a stressful occasion).  If you KNOW a certain situation is going to 'push your buttons'.

Take a break.  Walk away.  Get some much needed rest.

(Even if it does mean some things on your to-do list do NOT get accomplished RIGHT then.  

Saving your family from your unwarranted wrath is worth it, isn't it?)

That's what I plan to do today.  Now.

Good napping to all who might need it -- including ME!

I 'blew it' again

Unfortunately, my anger seems to continue to be a struggle.

As I walked into the kitchen, the mess greeted me.  It wasn't horrible: only a few dishes in the sink, a slight mess of spilled cereal on the island, papers from painting strewn about the table.

It. Could. Have. Been. Worse.

However, this minor mess apparently flipped my grumpy switch.  I didn't even realize it.  I didn't explode when I saw it; I just started making coffee and tea for Techno and myself.

Then..... the kids started waking.  THAT'S when the grumpiness unveiled itself.

I snipped and sniped about every little thing.

My voice was not raised, yet the dissatisfaction was clearly noted in my tone.  "The recycling is overflowing; the compost needs to be emptied; the garbage in our room was not taken out yesterday (on trash day); the cereal mess on the island NEEDS to be cleaned up."

WOW!  What a great way to wake up, huh?

Sorry kids.  I'm striving to do better.  I need your mercy and grace.  I need your prayers.  I need to give the same to you.  
D-A-I-L-Y!!!

For some reason this week and last week have been exceptionally hard in terms of me controlling my grumbly-ness.

Yes, I can make a million excuses.

        The house is a mess
        The kids haven't done as they were told
        The toys are strewn about the house - despite directives to 'clean up'
        Hubby says something to me in a tone I dislike
        I'm tired
        I step on a lego - again - causing great pain
        I remember all the items on my to-do list
        Etc., etc., etc.......

However, it's MY. OWN. SELF. CONTROL that I'm NOT controlling.  UUUGH!!!

What a struggle.

Seems I'm not the only mama fighting this demon.  Tons of blogs, facebook posts, even comments made in passing have focused on this very issue.

Coincidence?  I think not.

My prayers lately have focused on having a more meek and quiet spirit. An angry spirit cannot coincide with a meek spirit.  Who knew, right?  (Just kidding.)

I believe God is bringing all these other 'angry mama's' to my attention to a) remind me I'm not alone and b) show me there is help.

I CAN and SHOULD change.

I CAN and SHOULD control my anger.

I CAN and SHOULD intentionally work toward a more meek and quiet spirit.

In doing all these our home will be more peaceful; our children will learn a better way to handle stress and frustration; our children will learn lessons to help them grow NOT just that 'mom's angry again'; my marriage will be strengthened.

I'm thankful for all the blogs and articles I've been finding that give concrete ideas for 'doing better' in this area.

My plan is to read and glean from as many of these posts as I can.  To INTENTIONALLY put into practice the things I learn.  To CHANGE!  To CHOOSE to control my reactions. To ACT more than I REACT!

Easy?  NOT. ON. YOUR. LIFE!!!!

Doable?  UNEQUIVOCALLY YES!!!!  Philippians 4:13 promises: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

So that is my goal!  To intentionally work toward doing better; leaning on God through it all.

Goodbye Christmas Decorations

It's Jan 4 and I'm prepping myself to take down all the Christmas decorations.

Odd, as I get older, it's harder to put it all up and easier to take it all down -- mentally.

I'm not sure if it's due to memories of how physically and mentally draining it is to put it all UP so I have a difficult time getting started.  Maybe it's more the fact I enjoy the simplification of NOT having so much extra clutter around the house the decorations bring, that taking it down is refreshing.

Either way, today is a bittersweet day.

The decorations will be boxed up and put high in the garage for another year.

Must admit, it is beautiful.

Oh the memories!

As mentioned in a previous post, this may have been the last year Jacob takes part in our 'decorating day'.  The memories of this 'last' event will linger long in my mind.  The festive look of the twinkling lights, the whimsical ornaments, the cheerful red/silver balls placed strategically about, even the Nativity Scene reminding us of our Savior's birth will be tucked carefully away - taking with them the reminders of THIS Christmas along with all those we've accumulated over the years.





Melancholy.

Just one of the sentimental ornaments on our tree -
reminding us why we choose to celebrate Christmas.

At the same time, I'm excited to have the full view out our front windows back. To have clear flat surfaces again.  Reducing clutter and preparing for our new furniture to arrive.  Vacuuming and dusting will once again be easier.  The trunk can resume it's rightful place in the living room rather than being a temporary piano bench taking up WAY. TOO. MUCH. SPACE!

Excitement.

My final decision of the day, as I complete this lofty task?   Do I leave my snowman decorations out for a couple more months?  Or...... do I put it ALL away, resulting in a 'clean slate'?

On the one hand, I like our snowman decorations. They're festive.  It's still winter.  They're neutral for the months following Christmas.  However, having them all put away relieves the necessity to 'pack them away' at a later date.  Leaving the room less cluttered, more simplified.  Clean.

Decisions.

For now, I'll get the Christmas decorations put away.  Once the bulk of the 'clutter' is packed in boxes, I'll see how I feel about leaving the snowman to grace us with their presence a bit longer.

Maybe the 'bareness' of the space will just cry for their continued stay.  At least for a short while longer.

Silence

I sit here looking out the window at our majestic mountains we now call home.  Silence.

The only sound I hear is the furnace running and the keys on my laptop clicking.  Silence.

It's only a few days after Christmas.  Silence.

Techno and Jacob are off helping friends pull the three elk they just shot to their truck.  Silence.

Nap time for littles.  Silence.

Bethany and Elijah are playing at the neighbors house.  Silence.

This doesn't happen too often.  Silence.

I'm home - more or less alone.  Silence.

Time to think, to ponder, to pray, to reminisce, to plan.  Silence.

The new year is fast approaching. Silence.

So many things I could and should do.  Silence.

So many plans I could make.  Silence.

Instead....

I'm going to make a cup of tea.
Sit quietly alone in my recliner, wearing my cozy slippers.
Sip said tea while gazing at our Christmas tree and the mountains out the window.
Thanking God for and enjoying this time of.......

SILENCE!

New Year's Day Bowling

As New Year's Eve approached, we had planned to simply hunker down and stay home.

The weather outside was frightful; the propane stoves were so delightful; sta-ay home, sta-ay home, sta-ay home!

That was going to be our mantra for the day!

So we thought.

The day before New Year's Eve, I received a text from a friend asking if we wanted to get together to do something the next day.

Dilemma!

We were looking forward to our quiet, homebody day; yet we really enjoy hanging out with this family.  Plus I was the one who had originally suggested we try to get together before school started back up.

After checking with Techno-genius, I typed back, "Sure, what do you want to do?"

Initially swimming or ice skating were recommended.

Swimming?  On such a cold day?  Even thought it's indoors - it didn't sound appealing -- AT ALL!

Ice skating. That could be fun. Then I recalled.  I. Don't. Ice. Skate!  Neither does Techno.  That would leave our 3 little unattended out on a frozen block of ice almost the size of a basketball court.  OR it would require our 3 bigs to be attached to them the whole time.  Not exactly fair or their idea of a 'fun time'!  Not to mention, none of them are exactly 'pros' on ice skates.

Maybe not.

Finally -- bowling was suggested.

That sounded good.  All could take part.  No scary frozen tundras to traverse.  No wet swimsuits to deal with.

Perfect.

Here's our bowling adventure!  In pictures!  (Minus the adults who mostly requested their photos NOT be taken.)

Jacob trying to pick up a spare.  He had a good couple of games.

Charity!  Excited when her ball made contact with the pins.

Bethany - look at that form.  She was by far more competitive than I would have imagined.

Working together to get Selah's ball down the alley.

Watching, waiting!
Not sure where the hand on the hip came from.
Demonstration of a bit of her 'tude' she sometimes displays?

Lots of giggling, watching, and waiting occurred.

Elijah attempting a spare.

WOW!  What a 'split' Trinity had to try to 'pick up'.  No she didn't get them all.

Fun with friends.  Gotta love more big kids to pamper you!

Sitting on daddy's lap is fun no matter where you are.

All the kids at the completion of our games!  Nice so see so many smiles.

A new stage of parenting

Today the girls wanted to head outside to build a snowman.

All the big kids were gone so I was going to be the main 'bundle upper'.  When they are home it's a tag team effort.

Visions of stuffing little legs in snow pants, feet in snow boots, hands in little gloves darted through my mind.

I recalled from years of experience just how long such an endeavor took and then just how short of a time they actually would PLAY in the snow.  Sigh.

But, memories needed to be made.

So.... after a little stalling by giving them a snack of popcorn balls:  "Get your snow pants from the closet!" I announced.

While the girls gathered their warm snow clothes, I headed off to get myself changed and ready for snow play.

Much to my amazement the littles pushed their own little legs into the snow pants, plopped their own little feet into their boots, and even had shoved gloves upon those cute little fingers.  AMAZING!  The only thing I really had to do was zip coats and secure hats.

In all honesty, they were ready BEFORE I was.

Off we ventured into our wintery snow land.

Unfortunately, the snow was NOT packing snow.  Despite having gathered a hat, a carrot nose, and a scarf - building a snowman was o-u-t, OUT!

The girls quickly changed courses and began playing in the snow.  Running to our 'rock area' then to the stream to see if it had frozen.  Guess what?  It HAD!  (Imagine that?)

Once by the stream, we noted the wonderful drifts leading from the house down to the creak.  SLEDDING!!

Trinity grabbed 3 sleds and the fun began.

Charity heading down our little hill!
She was wise to have those legs out as she curved into a small tree at the bottom.

Trinity found a small - more open - sledding hill.  The main path was tree-free!
WEEEE!!!

Selah LOVED sledding.
Ironic as last year we could barely keep her outside for more than 5 minutes.

When they had conquered all the hills, we headed back inside for homemade hot cocoa with marshmallows!

Once again, they removed their own gloves, hats, boots, and snow pants.  They even put everything away.  (Which made preparing the hot cocoa so much quicker and easier.)

Yummy hot cocoa with mini-marshmallows following a cold, snowy, sledding outing!
MMMMM, MMMM, GOOD!

WOW!  This is a new era.  My help is no longer as necessary for some tasks.

I'm glad I didn't let my lack of motivation (could be translated laziness) get in the way of making memories.

Seeing those smiles on those darling little faces, well..... priceless.

I've entered a new stage of parenting.  It's bittersweet.  It's nice that the girls are more independent. It's fun all the 'new' things we can do as a family.  It's also sad to not have little ones dependent upon me.  Snuggling with me.  Even crying for me.

But, one thing I've learned through this journey of motherhood -- enjoy each and every stage.

They. All. Go. By. Too. Fast!!  Don't miss 'em.