Crying over lunch

As I read a guest author's post on Time Warp Wife's blog, I was humbled and brought to tears.

Quite literally.

As I was reading, Techno-genius walked in the room to thank me for his lunch.  He no more spoke the words with a big smile on his face, when I looked up at him and burst into tears.  Not soft little tears, weeping loud sobs.  I'm sure he wanted to flee, wondering what on earth could cause such a response.

The premise of the article was the unexpected death of a young woman's husband and how we wives need to be mindful of our attitude. We never know if we'll one day be wishing we had "one more time...." with our husbands.  That our time is limited and it's up to us to make each moment count.

So, when my husband thanked me for lunch, I looked at him and realized that could be the last time he does that - I wept.

Bringing to mind my own "poor attitude" I had recently displayed to my husband, I was  struck by how dishonoring I had been.  When I had to hang his pants and put his shirt in the laundry, instead of joyfully serving, I made certain I gave him "what for"; even if it was in jest - about the 2 steps to the closet he could have taken and the basket of dirty clothes around the corner in which he could have put his OWN shirt.

What if that had been the last thing I had the opportunity to say to him? Do for him?  Is that the memory I want to carry with me?  No, it certainly isn't.

Is this how God would have me act?  How He'd want me to respond and interact with my husband?  I don't think so.  As Doug's help meet - the one who completes him - it is my duty, my privilege to encourage him, love him, serve him, respect him, and even submit to and obey him.

As I recalled the words of the young woman who lost her husband, I'm convicted that not only do I want to do what God has commanded me to do, but I want to do it JOYFULLY.  I don't know the day or the hour when my husband will be called home. When he'll no longer be here to leave his pants and shirt on the floor. When I will no longer have the opportunity to make him coffee, cook him his favorite meal, watch the superbowl with  him, discuss my feelings with him, hug him, kiss him, love him here on earth.

In light of this knowledge, I am going to make a concerted effort day in and day out to serve my husband cheerfully; to enjoy the moments we have together now; to cherish his warm embrace, his loving kiss; to be the help meet God called me to be.

Next time I have to hang up his pants and put his shirt in the laundry, instead of sighing or griping over the chores added to my list of things to do, I'm going to smile - maybe even sing a song of praise - because having this task assures me my hubby is still here - for a time - with me on earth.

Mom needs recycled

Have you ever had one of those days where you just needed to crawl back in bed?  You know, the type of day where you're just so grumpy you can hardly stand yourself?

It's on those days that I've learned to recycle.

Numerous culprits can be guilty for my temperament on such days.  Hormonal swings, too little sleep, haven't eaten, eaten too much of the wrong foods, reactions to someone else's words/actions, or not enough time in God's Word lately.

Unfortunately, I still haven't perfected controlling my moods.  I occasionally bark a little too much at the kids; snip a bit too often at my husband; get cranky more than I should with the annoying, uh hem, dutiful telemarketer.

It's those days - when my disposition is not quite 'sunny' - that I have needed to find a way to prevent myself from becoming too ugly to those I love the most.

I have been known to tell my kids when they are grumpy, irritable, and out of sorts that it's time to be recycled.  When I say that, it usually means they need to take a nap and get some rest.  For the littles this is quite literally SLEEP. For the big kids this is often just a break from whatever activity seems to be triggering the attitude along with some 'quiet time'.

Well rested babies make happy babies.... and apparently mommies too.

It almost always has a positive impact.

I discovered this tactic, similar to Tricks cereal, "Isn't just for kids".

When I find myself scowling too much, getting my panties in a bunch over the smallest matter, griping at the kids or techno-genius over the silliest of circumstances.... I go ahead and recycle myself.


I grab my Bible, put on some comfy clothes, and crawl into bed -- literally.  A little time in God's word, a short nap and my spirt is, more often than not, right as rain.  Or at the very least, improved.

Looks inviting - especially on those days

What works for you when you need to be recycled?  This is by far the most effective solution I have found.  I'm learning to allow the tasks to be put aside, the excuse that I'll not sleep well that night, be banished.

The manner in which I react and act toward my family - the bonds that can be built or broken - are far more important than finishing the laundry or assuring (yeah right) a good's nights sleep.  A short break from my otherwise grouchy day, to take a little time to read Scripture and rest, is just what the Great Physician ordered.

Coffee Chats

Early in our marriage, when we were pregnant with our first child, Techno-genius and I attended a parenting class series.

We gleaned some great tidbits from this class.  Our upbringings had been different, so getting on the same page was half the battle.

The biggest and best piece of advice we took away, however, was the concept of "couple time".

The idea that this new little baby should not be the CENTER of our world, was pivotal to this concept.  Yes, he would require our attention and need our affection, however our marriage needed to continue to be the focus for the husband/wife relationship to flourish and for the security of the child to expand. 

Initially we began this endeavor by having 'couch time'. We'd put our little tike in a bouncy seat nearby to entertain himself for a short time, 10-15 minutes.  During this time, mom and dad talked, laughed, planned, or just enjoyed being near one another.  As he grew, this time was adapted to include 'playpen' time in another room and our timeframe expanded to 30 minutes.

Not saying this was easy. It wasn't.  That baby was C-U-T-E and I enjoyed holding him, loving on him.  His daddy enjoyed kissing his nose and tickling his toes.  What would it hurt to just hold him on our laps while we had couch time?

You guessed it.  When we tried to have our time together, talking to each other; our attention was always diverted to him - that cute little babe.  So, back to the bouncy seat or playpen he went.

As we had more children, our couple time would ebb and flow.  We quickly realized how important this time together, uninterrupted by the needs and whims of the children, was to both our relationship and to the well being of the children.

The kiddos knew 'if mom and dad are ok, we are ok.'  What a blessing to give them.  Knowing Mommy and Daddy love each other = life is secure.

As our children grew and became more independent, Techno-genius and I began having morning coffee chats.  Depending on weather and where we were, we'd either have our cup o' joe outside, enjoying nature while we chatted or in our room where we could close the door and have privacy.  The children have been taught that this is 'mom and dad time'. They are not to interrupt unless it's important.  Granted there have been times we've had to discuss what 'important' actually entails. :-)

Our matching morning coffee mugs - ahhh, isn't that sweet?

This is such a sweet time for us. It gives us a chance to start our day together. Pray. Connect with one another.

In my opinion, it's also a great gift to our children.  A model of how to make their own marriages a priority.

Do you have a special couple time with your spouse?  Is it daily, weekly, monthly?  Or do you struggle to even get away once a year?

We do enjoy time away - a retreat or weekend get away, if you will - but the daily coffee chat time has been imperative to the strong, loving relationship we have built over the last 18 years.