We gleaned some great tidbits from this class. Our upbringings had been different, so getting on the same page was half the battle.
The biggest and best piece of advice we took away, however, was the concept of "couple time".
The idea that this new little baby should not be the CENTER of our world, was pivotal to this concept. Yes, he would require our attention and need our affection, however our marriage needed to continue to be the focus for the husband/wife relationship to flourish and for the security of the child to expand.
Initially we began this endeavor by having 'couch time'. We'd put our little tike in a bouncy seat nearby to entertain himself for a short time, 10-15 minutes. During this time, mom and dad talked, laughed, planned, or just enjoyed being near one another. As he grew, this time was adapted to include 'playpen' time in another room and our timeframe expanded to 30 minutes.
Not saying this was easy. It wasn't. That baby was C-U-T-E and I enjoyed holding him, loving on him. His daddy enjoyed kissing his nose and tickling his toes. What would it hurt to just hold him on our laps while we had couch time?
You guessed it. When we tried to have our time together, talking to each other; our attention was always diverted to him - that cute little babe. So, back to the bouncy seat or playpen he went.
As we had more children, our couple time would ebb and flow. We quickly realized how important this time together, uninterrupted by the needs and whims of the children, was to both our relationship and to the well being of the children.
The kiddos knew 'if mom and dad are ok, we are ok.' What a blessing to give them. Knowing Mommy and Daddy love each other = life is secure.
As our children grew and became more independent, Techno-genius and I began having morning coffee chats. Depending on weather and where we were, we'd either have our cup o' joe outside, enjoying nature while we chatted or in our room where we could close the door and have privacy. The children have been taught that this is 'mom and dad time'. They are not to interrupt unless it's important. Granted there have been times we've had to discuss what 'important' actually entails. :-)
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| Our matching morning coffee mugs - ahhh, isn't that sweet? |
This is such a sweet time for us. It gives us a chance to start our day together. Pray. Connect with one another.
In my opinion, it's also a great gift to our children. A model of how to make their own marriages a priority.
Do you have a special couple time with your spouse? Is it daily, weekly, monthly? Or do you struggle to even get away once a year?
We do enjoy time away - a retreat or weekend get away, if you will - but the daily coffee chat time has been imperative to the strong, loving relationship we have built over the last 18 years.
My husband and I do this too - more informally thought but I do think it would benefit us all if I made it more formal (and explain more to my kids why my husband and I do this). Every morning, my husband and I are always in the kitchen together for at least 15-20 minutes chatting while we are drinking coffee. It is a great way for us to our day. When my kids come in there, they normally don't stay long because they can't really get a word in edgewise. But maybe I should tell them why some day :-) I do agree - you must make time for you spouse. It will make a world of difference for the entire family.
ReplyDeleteWe love our coffee chat time. The kids have grown accustomed to us having this time. I do think it's important for them to know WHY you do it. That way they are more likely to add it into their own marriages one day. What a blessing.
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