A Better Day

It's been several days now since Selah's diagnosis.

We've had good days. We've had not so good days.

Yesterday was REALLY hard.

Today was better.

I didn't struggle with getting up to check her sugars in the middle of the night.  I did oversleep again and check a bit late, but I wasn't frazzled and angry.

I didn't snap at Techno as I stumbled in the dark.

I didn't cry over nothing and everything.

I'll consider that progress.

We really are getting into a good routine.

Counting carbs is making more sense.

Determining insulin amounts is becoming easier.

Today we also got to go as a family to Fort Collins again.  Techno had an appointment with the diabetes education team and Selah and I sat in.  I've gone to all his appointments up till now and I admit, this one seemed more daunting.  More informative.

It's not that I didn't try to learn and gain information before when I went with Techno, but he understood the ratios and correction factors so well, they talked at 'HIS' level.  I usually smiled and nodded so as not to appear 'dumb' b/c they might as well have been speaking in Chinese or something.

This time?  Well, it had new meaning. I HAVE to understand how to figure all this out.  I am now the one implementing such ratios and corrections for Selah.

Yes, Techno is still here to help, but I'm the one 'in the trenches'. I'm the one checking her sugars, making her meals, calculating her carbs and correction factors to determine the amount of insulin she will need.

I NEED to get this.  I MUST be able to determine her needs each and every day, all day.

The meeting went well.  The dietician talked about high fat meals and how they too can effect blood sugars.  She and Techno bantered back and forth, notes jotted down, scenarios shared.  I glossed over.

She asked if I were ok.  Unexpectedly, the tears fell.  Again.

Just when I thought I was getting a handle on what I needed to know, something new was thrown in the mix.

Granted, this information was more for Techno than Selah, but... it will impact her as well.  As a growing child she obviously needs more fat than Techno and I do in our diet, but.... knowing that a meal of pizza will have a very different impact on her blood sugar than a normal meal of chicken and rice is pretty. darn. important.

We want her to have a 'normal' childhood - pizza and other high fat meals - is part of that.  But... we also need to understand HOW those 'normal' scenarios will impact her insulin needs.

At least today this news didn't throw me into the pit of tears and despair as yesterday had.

I keep reminding myself, this is a journey.  It will take time.  I will have bad days.  But... I'll also have better days.  Even good days.

Selah is doing well.  She's adapting.  Ironic how much better the child is handling this compared to the adult.  Glad she's so resilient.  Glad she's so strong.

I am learning a lot from our little girl.