Tired, Time, and Waiting

It's not yet been a week since we took Selah to the ER in the wee hours of the morning and received the profound news that she does in fact have Type 1 diabetes.

Logically, I know her diagnosis isn't a 'horrible' thing.   There are LOTS worse things in which we could be faced.

Logically, I understand the treatment is VERY manageable.

Logically, I realize the long term effects of this disease are greatly reduced with good control of her blood sugars.

Logically, I see that she is adapting well.

Logically, I SHOULD be adapting too.

Yet, I.... continue.... to..... struggle.

GREATLY!

I've had a couple good days.  Days where it doesn't seem so daunting.

But, it seems I've had a lot more tumultuous days.  Days where I just go through the motions with my emotions raw and ragged.

Days where I'm tired.  So tired.

Headaches!

Neck pain.

Tears.

I've only had one total meltdown day, but several other 'on the verge of tears' sort of days.

I know it'll get better.

I know it's somewhat just the stress of it all.

I know that as her primary caregiver much of the 'weight' of this is on my shoulders.

However, I don't seem to know how to shake the blues and blahs that are resulting.

Time.

I do know that time will help.

I've already seen how just a few short days have made the shots easier.

Time.

I've already experienced how a few more days have helped me grasp the idea of calculating carbs and correction factors.

I guess it's just hard to be patient.

It's hard to live out the hard times while waiting for the good times to roll in.

But.... God promises to always be there.

God promises to work all things for good.

I may not be able to see the 'good' in this situation NOW; but.... I believe God's promises.

So, with that in my heart and mind... I'll wait.... I'll wait on God's timing.

Even while tired, raw, torn, broken.  I'll wait.