Being there. Talking. Listening. It was another step in the healing and learning process.
I realized while we were there that Selah is ONE TOUGH cookie. I also realized I'm getting stronger. Techno is more open about his own situation. Our other children are adapting well.
We will all weather this storm just fine.
Not saying there won't be some rough waters, but.... our ship is going to stay afloat.
Our class was a group setting.
Several kids around Selah's age. A Jr High aged boy. A senior in high school getting ready to head off to college in August. And.... a little 18 month old toddler.
It was amazing to see the resiliency in all these kids. But... especially in that little bitty one.
It allowed me to appreciate the fact that Selah being 6 at diagnosis was actually a blessing.
He experienced a low blood sugar while we were there. His parents, like us, just 'went into motion'. Finger pricked; blood sugar checked; juice grabbed; he drank. Wait 10 minutes, start over. Fortunately that was all it took and his sugars were back in range.
Still - how frightening for them. For him.
This is reality for all of us now.
These steps will be part of our everyday life.
Sitting there, with other parents of newly diagnosed children with diabetes, I saw many of the same emotions I've been going through.
Lack of control.
They all felt it too. In varying degrees. At different times.
In each situation, it was amazing to see how the kiddos -- the ones WITH the actual diagnosis -- seemed to be adapting and accepting so much easier than the parents. Some more so than others, but by far, it seemed the parents - usually mama - was the one struggling. Fearing. Fretting.
I'm not sure why, but this class helped me feel stronger. More confident. More at ease with our 'new life'.
I talked openly about what all we've been dealing with. Feeling. The trials and triumphs we've experienced.
I saw fear in the eyes of those other mother's. I saw the raw emotions on the verge of erupting. I felt their sadness for their children. I heard the uncertainty in their voices.
I saw me.... in them.
It helped. It strengthened. It healed.
I'm not saying I am 'over' all the emotional turmoil that this diagnosis has brought into our lives, but.... I can honestly say I feel capable of coping now. To get stronger. To move forward.
I no longer cry every time I make a pot of coffee. :-) That's progress, right?
I can even giggle at the fact that I DID cry several mornings while making coffee. As if the coffee pot had ANYTHING to do with this situation.
Grief is a funny thing.
I feel so blessed we have so many resources available to us. Not only in terms of dealing with diabetes, but also dealing with the 'stuff' that comes along with it. The emotions; the crying; the anger; the fear; the acceptance.
I pray that I can be of help to another parent going through a similar situation. Maybe now. Maybe a family in our class. Maybe years from now. A new mom feeling the same raw, broken, irrational emotions I felt those first days, weeks.
I know God has a plan. I'm looking forward to seeing that plan unfold before me. I'm reveling in HOW God will use me. Use Selah. Use our family. To help others.