Thursday, April 2, 2015

Grief is Ok

I've really been struggling, emotionally, with Selah's diagnosis.

I've cried more often than I haven't.

Yet, I've also adapted to our new 'routine' of finger sticks, sugar checks, and insulin shots.

Selah's adapted even better.

Still.... tears fall.... often.

I've been struggling internally with WHY.  Not so much 'why did Selah get diabetes, but Why am I such an emotional wreck?'

A friend from Ohio sent me a message that really helped.

As Selah's mom - I want to take her suffering for her.  I want to remove this 'life sentence' from her.

However....   I. Can't.

I know that.

It hurts.

It's HARD.

This friend acknowledged my feelings.  My grief.

She told me it was 'ok' to feel these feelings.

It was ok to still be sad. To cry.

Her words helped.  Healed.

Techno and I have talked about it, too.

I know it's OK to feel sad; to cry; to struggle.

However, I'm not used to being so emotional, so consistently, so long.

It was good to hear that such grief is ok; normal even.

It was helpful to have someone outside of our family to simply acknowledge my feelings and say 'it's ok to feel it and to go through it.'

I am learning to accept that these feelings will lesson.  The hurt will get easier.

I also acknowledge that the tears may erupt - out of nowhere - at anytime.

And you know what?

I'm learning to realize....



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