Saturday, April 25, 2015

Conflicted

Driving to the hospital for lab work to confirm our 9 yo daughter did in fact have type 1 diabetes, I also discovered that my mom had been admitted to the hospital for pneumonia ..... 1/2 way across the country.

Initially, my mind was so consumed with the second diagnosis of type 1 diabetes in a month, that I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what all was going on with my mom.

My dad had simply said, "Your mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday with pneumonia."

I knew it wan't 'good', but I also convinced myself she'd be fine now that she was getting treated for the infection causing her distress.

When I finally spoke to my mom, I discovered she was also having serious heart issues as a result of the medications they were using to treat the pneumonia.

My mind was whirling. What can I do? What should I do?

My girls were still precariously walking the tight rope of getting their blood sugars under control.  I was still adapting to the devastating news of not one but two of our six children having a life long, chronic, incurable, and potentially deadly disease.

Fortunately, mom started showing improvement. They managed to get her heart rate more controlled. She was feeling a bit better.

Then.... complications.

Her white blood cell count kept rising.  Her lungs were not clearing up.  She couldn't breath.

Stronger medications were needed.  More time in the hospital.

What was originally 10 days turned in to more as they changed her medications.

I began to wonder if I should fly to Ohio to see her.  To talk to the doctors.  To sit vigilantly at her bedside.

But... what about the girls?

I couldn't leave them!

But.... I couldn't take them across the country, by myself, and leave Techno - my diabetes expert - behind either.

Conflicted.

No easy answer.

For, now?  I'm choosing to stay home; to care for the girls; to call daily to check on my mom; to talk to the medical staff in charge of her care.

I'll continue to monitor her progress.  My decision will change based on how she's doing.

I'll pray and ask God for wisdom, guidance. To know the RIGHT decision at the RIGHT time.

This position is hard.

Primary caregiver - mommy - to our 2 little girls so newly diagnosed with type 1 diabetes; clinging to me whenever a 'free moment' opens; wanting me for all their care; relying on my watchful eye as we go through our days.....
AND.....
the only daughter, youngest child of my own mommy who is thousands of miles away; sitting in a hospital bed; not understanding all the doctor's are saying; struggling to breath; fearful from the numerous tests being performed; relying on ME to decipher the news they share.

So.... I wait.

I pray.

I rely on God to show me the right path.

The right time.

Knowing that wherever I am, my girls and my mom are in HIS care first and foremost.  I'm just His messenger; His hands.

That's comforting.

Ultimately.......

GOD...... Is.....

IN CONTROL!

2 comments:

  1. Liz, when my mom was in the hospital, the best person on the staff was the chaplain! She was the one who could check with the docs and tell us what was really going on and help us understand it. She was a major reason why I went to chaplain school later in life. I am not sure of the situation at the hospital where your mom is, but it might be good to check in with the chaplain dept. to see if they can help. Blessings, Chris

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  2. Thanks, Chris. Never even thought of that. Great information to keep in my arsenal. Mom has fortunately been discharged and is home now. But... I will keep this in mind for any future situations.

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