Monday, July 15, 2013

An Imperfect Mommy

As much as I hate to admit it, I AM an imperfect mama.

I mess up -- a lot.  I recently told a friend my biggest prayer sometimes is that my children will simply forget much of the bad: the mess-ups, the yelling, the lost tempers, the poorly chosen words, the lack of attentiveness when they share a story, the furrowed brow when they do or say something I disapprove of, the rolled eyes when they mess up - again - a spill, a break, a dirty dish in the drain, when I make a choice to concentrate on my to-do-list instead of them.


I screw things up too often.

But..... I know I have God's grace.  His mercy.  I pray my kids will share that grace too.  I pray I will GIVE that mercy to my children when THEY mess up.

I recently read a blog post that touched on this idea of our imperfections making the fabric of motherhood perfect.  It was an interesting concept.

I tend to get bogged down by my to-do list NOT shrinking.  The dishes left in the sink. The laundry overflowing.  Floors that need vacuumed.  Organization to complete in the garage.  The shed that needs finished to make an office.  Painting that I'd LOVE to accomplish throughout the house.  When I feel like I'm being buried under the tasks on my list I often feel inadequate.

It's during those moments that I often CHOOSE my list of tasks over fun with my children.

Not saying that once in a while we don't ALL have to do the work and the play has to wait.  BUT..... what message do I want to send my precious bundles of joy?  One that screams 'mom's too busy for us.'  OR the sentiment that 'mom is diligent to get work done, but is there when it counts.  She's willing to leave the laundry unfolded to spend some fun time playing Barbies, listening to our ideas for a game/story.'

YES!  That latter phrase is what I want to roll around in my childrens' heads as they go to sleep at night.  When they wake from a bad dream, or simply can't sleep because they are scared or worried about something; I want them to KNOW in their hearts that MOM IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE!

Even in my imperfection, I want them to remember the GOOD!

I know I'm going to continue to mess up; I will most likely still yell on occasion; once in a while the to-do-list is going to get the best of me; my eyes will roll when the teenagers display some angst; my fuse will shorten when the house is an utter mess.

Thus, I'll continue to pray my children's memories of the mess-ups will be few, but the memories of my love, my time, my heart for Jesus and them will shine brightly through.

I realize it takes effort to form those positive memories and I pray I will do that MORE than messing up.

However, I do KNOW I'll slip.  I'll fall.  It's in those times that I'll embrace my imperfections, apologize if need be, and move on.  Accepting God's grace.  Praying for grace from my children.  Offering mercy  myself.

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