Friday, February 8, 2013

My mama's heart breaks

Driving to Charity's dental surgery follow-up today, I couldn't help but recall the day of her surgery.

All went well, but.... I was not prepared for her reaction to the anesthesia when they woke her up.  After all, she was so happy/loopy when they took her away; she's almost always a happy little child; jacob had no ill effects from his anesthesia - surely it's hereditary.  So.... when we walked into the recovery room and she was curled up in a ball sobbing, my mommy heart broke - as I'm certain her daddy's did too.

I was - to say the very least - taken aback.  I quickly moved to her side, tears streaming down my cheeks. Rubbing her back and kissing her head, I soothed, "mommy's here, mommy and daddy are here."  Nothing altered her sobs.  My own tears welled. 

The nurse began to give us discharge instructions.  Her vitals were fine, she needed to go home.  WHAT!  She's sobbing - curled up in a ball!  You expect us to just "take her home?"  They also informed us that she'd have no head control due to the medicine. Again, you want us to "TAKE HER HOME? NOW?"  That's exactly what we did. 

Once Doug picked her up, she did calm - slightly - to our voices and his loving embrace. She was still crying, but the sobs were tamed and she was beginning to relax in her daddy's arms.  

She tried talking, but we couldn't understand her. In the car she kept crying; softer now and intermixed with the statements, "My teeth really hurt. What did they do to me?"  My heart, again, broke.  I wanted to take all her pain and confusion away. But, alas, that's not how it works. 

The nurse said, "she won't remember any of this." To which I am eternally grateful, however, I WILL remember it.  My mommy's heart will forever be etched with the pain and confusion and sadness my little girl endured.  I give thanks she does NOT have those memories.  I'll gladly take them for her.

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