Wow, that was NOT a good realization.
This morning, with the decision to be more intentional in overcoming my 'angry spirit', I prayed that today I'd NOT speak in an unkind/irritable tone; that I'd not 'yell'; that my words and tone would be encouraging, edifying.
After Bible study and prayer time with Techno I came out to get more coffee. The kids were waking and stumbling out of their rooms. Nothing had really happened to trigger my grouchiness, however......
My.... Tone..... Exuded.... Irritation!
I stopped. I thought.
Wow - my tone with the kids in the morning has......
BECOME...... A........ HABIT!
NOT GOOD!!! NOT GOOD!!!
I'm not saying I was angry or yelling at them, just that my tone was not the most loving or joy-filled.
I'm not proud of the fact I had to come to this discovery, but I am grateful God put it on my heart.
Since I was aware of my 'tone', I was able to make a decision.
I softened my voice.
I un-furrowed my brow.
These actions helped me un-grump-i-fy my tone and my words.
I have to admit that this process repeated itself a couple times this same morning. But I am also thrilled to say I continued to alter my demeanor, my tone, my facial expressions.
Victories - even small ones - were priceless.
As the day progressed, I recognized I was able to give the children directives without as much scowling. Without as much assumption on my part that they'd not follow through (which triggers grumbles). With more grace.
This is just ONE day, but it's a day of improvements. A day of successes. A day of understanding more of my anger and how to overcome my 'habits'.
A GREAT DAY!!!
|The reason for my desire to overcome this grumbly-ness that plagues me! |
I want to see these smiles looking back at me, not fear or worry when 'mamma blows'!