Unfortunately, my anger seems to continue to be a struggle.
As I walked into the kitchen, the mess greeted me. It wasn't horrible: only a few dishes in the sink, a slight mess of spilled cereal on the island, papers from painting strewn about the table.
It. Could. Have. Been. Worse.
However, this minor mess apparently flipped my grumpy switch. I didn't even realize it. I didn't explode when I saw it; I just started making coffee and tea for Techno and myself.
Then..... the kids started waking. THAT'S when the grumpiness unveiled itself.
I snipped and sniped about every little thing.
My voice was not raised, yet the dissatisfaction was clearly noted in my tone. "The recycling is overflowing; the compost needs to be emptied; the garbage in our room was not taken out yesterday (on trash day); the cereal mess on the island NEEDS to be cleaned up."
WOW! What a great way to wake up, huh?
Sorry kids. I'm striving to do better. I need your mercy and grace. I need your prayers. I need to give the same to you.
D-A-I-L-Y!!!
For some reason this week and last week have been exceptionally hard in terms of me controlling my grumbly-ness.
Yes, I can make a million excuses.
The house is a mess
The kids haven't done as they were told
The toys are strewn about the house - despite directives to 'clean up'
Hubby says something to me in a tone I dislike
I'm tired
I step on a lego - again - causing great pain
I remember all the items on my to-do list
Etc., etc., etc.......
However, it's MY. OWN. SELF. CONTROL that I'm NOT controlling. UUUGH!!!
What a struggle.
Seems I'm not the only mama fighting this demon. Tons of blogs, facebook posts, even comments made in passing have focused on this very issue.
Coincidence? I think not.
My prayers lately have focused on having a more meek and quiet spirit. An angry spirit cannot coincide with a meek spirit. Who knew, right? (Just kidding.)
I believe God is bringing all these other 'angry mama's' to my attention to a) remind me I'm not alone and b) show me there is help.
I CAN and SHOULD change.
I CAN and SHOULD control my anger.
I CAN and SHOULD intentionally work toward a more meek and quiet spirit.
In doing all these our home will be more peaceful; our children will learn a better way to handle stress and frustration; our children will learn lessons to help them grow NOT just that 'mom's angry again'; my marriage will be strengthened.
I'm thankful for all the blogs and articles I've been finding that give concrete ideas for 'doing better' in this area.
My plan is to read and glean from as many of these posts as I can. To INTENTIONALLY put into practice the things I learn. To CHANGE! To CHOOSE to control my reactions. To ACT more than I REACT!
Easy? NOT. ON. YOUR. LIFE!!!!
Doable? UNEQUIVOCALLY YES!!!! Philippians 4:13 promises: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
So that is my goal! To intentionally work toward doing better; leaning on God through it all.
Liz, don't feel like the Lone Ranger on this one, I just completed another online course on how to reach equanimity, which is another word for being at peace with oneself. The key is to stop judging harshly, starting with yourself. To accept everything as OK. What, you may say, no righteous anger?? Yes, you are allowed a moment of anger, but we need to calm down and say "It's OK, it's OK." There is a wisdom figure, Julian of Norwich, who is often quoted. "All will be well, all will be well." This is not just a platitude, but it is hard to implement. You can be triggered by that little voice in your head that says "I am not a good mom if..." You are doing an amazing job, Liz. Love yourself more. Hugs, Chris
ReplyDeleteChris,
DeleteThanks for the encouraging words. I do acknowledge that sometimes it's my faulty thinking that can trigger my grumpiness, but I also acknowledge that I have to work on doing better. It is a hard 'habit' to break. Thanks. Working on it.
Liz