Monday, June 24, 2013


If I'm honest with myself, building friendships is not all that easy for me.  Never has been.

I'm a bit awkward; opinionated; stubborn; outspoken; less than compassionate at times; not a great conversationalist; less than a great listener; shy at first; not shy enough once you know me; not sure what to say; say the wrong things out of nervousness; and slightly paranoid.

Not exactly the formula for 'great friend material'.

Recently, our pastor spoke briefly on Christianity and how when we first begin our walk with Jesus and attending church we view it as 'what can I get out of it?  What's in it for me?'  Somewhat self centered, but also a necessary step in our journey.  One we need to 'move past' as we grow.

As he was talking, I realized I sometimes view friendships in that manner.  Not purposefully, not trying to be selfish, but there it was.

I was trying to make friendships about me.  Not always 'what's in it for me? What can I get out of it?', but more, 'What am I doing wrong?  Why don't people like me?  What do I have to change?'

Notice anything about all those statements?  Yep, me too.... the word 'I'!  Guess I'm more selfish than I'd like to admit.

Not saying taking a look at those aspects in myself was a bad thing. It wasn't.  It's not.  I do need to change.  I could be a better listener.  I should work on holding my tongue.  Compassion must exude from my being -- more than it does.

Maybe -- just maybe -- however, if I focused on giving, loving, responding to others; not worrying about 'what should I say next?', 'what do they think of me?', but rather 'how can I serve and love them?' What can I BRING to this friendship to help and aid the other person; building friendships would come a bit easier.

I've enjoyed some close friendships in the past.

I continue to have the greatest friendship of my life with Techno-genius -- my BEST friend.

Yet, I pray I can nurture more friendships in a meaningful way.  Without all the baggage of 'what if's' I tend to bring to the party.

Having just moved thousand's of miles from the town I've lived in for close to 20 years, making new friends was on my mind.

How do you form new friendships?


  1. Hi Liz - I can relate to this. In my first marriage we moved every two years. I was always having to find new friends and scope out a new neighborhood for resources, especially baby sitters as I was a working mom. In one neighborhood, the people barely spoke to us for months and I wondered why. Then we learned that this was a neighborhood where P&G rented homes for temporary employees; so the neighbors just held back to see if you were going to stay for more than a year! I found church and interest groups to be a way of reaching out. I did not recognize you in your self-description. As coordinator of MOPS you did not appear shy and you were compassionate and great at sharing. Hugs to you, Chris

    1. Thanks, Chris. Your kind words mean a lot. I'm not ALWAYS like my description, but I fumble once in awhile with all those things. I appreciate you sharing ways you connected. Church has been great. We love the people at our new church here in Wyoming. It really has been a good transition for us. I've joined the women's social club here in Centennial and hoping to grow friendships there too. Thanks again for your encouraging and kind words.

  2. You are most welcome. Do you subscribe to Elisa Morgan's FulFILL newsletter? You may remember her as the national coordinator of MOPS back in the day when we were members at NmPC. Her blog this week was about being a friend and reaching out also...what a coincidence. I find her newsletter a great way to stay "in touch" with concepts of Christian leadership and parenting, on the web, which is nice when you can't get away from child care responsibilities. Blessings to you Liz, you are doing a wondrous work. Chris

    1. Thanks, Chris. I'll check out her newsletter. Wow - that's a blast from the past. Had all but forgotten her name. I do appreciate your words of encouragement. I do feel tremendously blessed to be a mama.


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